Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
