Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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