i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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