it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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