Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
