But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
