I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
