The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
