Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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