So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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