I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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