Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
