Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
