you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
