I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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