i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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