Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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