Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I currently don't understand fingers.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
