Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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