I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
