U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
