i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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