I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
