Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
