Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
