tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
