Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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