Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
