That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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