he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
