booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
