i may or may not be watching the land before time
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am midnight drunk by noon
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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