Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize