she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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