I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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