kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
