small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
