I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
