so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
