Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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