The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
