yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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