Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
