dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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