I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and she was petting her beer can
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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