I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
