Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
