I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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