I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
