last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
