i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
