It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
