I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dont even know how to be here
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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