I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
