My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Fuck appropriateness.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
