every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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