went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
