it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
