Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
