I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
