Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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