I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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