i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
