I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
