I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
