I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
