That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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