sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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