the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
