drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
