I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
