dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
