i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
