And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
