you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
