Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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