on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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