so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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