I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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