my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
