guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize