my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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