She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
